Hamlet. I did not get around to reading Hamlet until I was in my thirties; somehow it was never assigned to me in high school or college. (Or in grad school, for that matter.) Thirty-something was too late to read this play, or maybe the twenty-first century was too late. It is nearly impossible to read the play, and particularly the soliloquies, on their merits, because every line is a cliche. Every line is the title to some other work, and just like the “to-morrow and to-morrow” speech in Macbeth makes me think of Benjy and Quentin, my attempts to read Hamlet are confused by all the later works that quote it.

And also by Gilligan’s Island, since for many years everything I knew about the play came from that one episode where they turn Hamlet into a musical:

Hamlet, dear, your problem is clear,
Avenging thy father’s death;
You seek to harm your uncle and mom,
But you’re scaring me to death.
While I die and sigh and cry,
That love is everything;
You’re content to try to touch,
The conscience of a king.
Since the day when your dad met his fate,
You just brood and you don’t touch your food;
You hate your ma, mad at my pa,
You’ll kill the king or some silly thing.
So Hamlet, do be a man, let rotten enough alone.
From Ophelia no one can steal ya
You’ll always be my own,
Leave the gravedigger’s scene, if you know what I mean.
Danish pastry for two, for me, for you.

I have had that song stuck in my head for approximately thirty years now.

The Importance of Being Earnest. This play is the funniest thing ever written in English. That is all I have to say about it.

The Way of the World. Did you know that I once took a whole seminar on Restoration comedy? And then I took another one on Restoration poetry. I read a lot of John Dryden and not nearly enough William Congreve. This is a very funny play but wow, is it hard to keep everyone straight, even on a fourth reading. Also, I always get this one confused with William Wycherly’s The Country Wife, but that one is much dirtier and a little bit funnier.

True West. I love Sam Shephard but I really never know what he is talking about. I read this in college and its importance completely escaped me. I like it better now but I find that I have nothing to say about it.